Tool Hall of Fame: The Prototype Steelers Fan

Don’t get us wrong we like Steeler fans like one of our own “Cheese” and have spent time getting drunk in the local Steelers bar in town Rudy’s, but since they have have invaded our hometown of Tampa Bay we have seen many of these types roaming our streets. Here is a breakdown by Chris Mottram of the  The Sporting Blog.

The Prototype Steelers Fan

1. Backwards Steelers hat. Not only is this more intimidating, but Ben Roethlisberger wears his hats in this fashion, so it must be cool. (Ed. note: it isn’t.)

2. Incredibly corny, yet timely novelty t-shirt. Alternate shirt for game day: “On the Road to Sixburgh”.

3. Duffle bag from a previous Super Bowl, thus letting everyone know that this ain’t his first rodeo.

4. Colored, reflective sunglasses protecting his eyes from giving any clues about his motives. Hint: They likely aren’t friendly. Or legal.

5. Gold chain, just to let you know that he’s got it like that.

6. Superman tat. Why in the world would this guy feel the need to have a Superman logo on this leg? Ask your mom, bro — she knows why.

7. Bluetooth. Because one hand is reserved for a Terrible Towel and the other an IC Light.

8. Pencil-thin chinstrap. Much like how the male gorilla’s back hair is silver, this strap of facial hair is used to distinguish the male Steelers fan from the female. Despite this bit of brilliant evolution, there is still oftentimes confusion.

9. Steelers tat. This guy loves the Steelers for life and now NO ONE CAN DOUBT THIS!

10. Matching shorts and shoes. Because you gotta look good out there when you’re begging for autographs, am I right, ladies?

Tool Hall Of Fame: Vince Offer “Mr. Sham Wow”

Nobody makes us not want to buy a product like this tool, Vince Offer. With his cheesy flea market headpiece and lines like “You know the Germans always make good stuff” and “We can’t do this all day ” you laugh at the ad because you can tell he is giving you a line of shit. We can only imagine the suckers that buy these products.

And don’t even get us started on the Slap Chop with his line “You’re gonna love my nuts”